Really... the power just went out

That is what I was thinking at noon today. Lilly was wanting my attention more than usual today and I was starving! At lunch time I put her in her chair and turn on Baby Einstein so that I can actually eat my lunch. Well no such luck today. The power would appropriately go off at noon today, so no lunch for Mommy. I think I have sang every children's song, done every silly dance, made every kind of silly face imaginable today to keep missy entertained. Yes, she has a jumparoo and a swing but she wanted Mommy's full attention today. Usually if she needs extra stimulation I turn on her Baby Einstein's but with no power, that was impossible. Finally she feel asleep and took her nap and that gave me time to think and pray in the really quiet house.

I realized that
when Lillian just can't get enough of me, I let her watch Baby Einstein. Basically the T.V. What kind of mother does that? What did Mom's do when there wasn't T.V. or movies or anything of the sort?

Having a baby is such a complete life change.

When I say complete... I mean COMPLETE. For all these years I have been able to do what I want, watch what I want, eat when I want, go where I want, ect. but now I can't. There is this precious baby that now tells me when I eat, how long I can stay out of the house, ect. Sometimes I feel like one of those dancing monkeys. I don't want to be the parent that relies on television or a movie to keep the attention of their child.  But I find myself doing that. I need to do better. I MUST do better. All she wants is my attention but sometimes I don't want to give it. Wow I didn't think I would be saying this to you. I don't know how these super moms do this. Maybe it comes with practice, maybe they have something I don't but whatever it is I need to find it. I love her unconditionally and want only the best for her but I feel like I am lacking. I never was the girl that liked to babysit or work in the nursery and here I am with a baby. God, you picked me to be Lillian's mom, were you sure about that? I have just been so independent for so long I think I have forgotten how to share my time. This is why I say having a baby is a COMPLETE life change, for me at least. Yes, I am married and I share my life with my husband but we are adults and when I need some "me time" he can give it to me. She doesn't know what "me time" is. Please don't misunderstand me as you read this. I play with my daughter, I take care of her and she has everything she needs, emotionally and physically. I am hoping that this is a learned practice, this Motherhood. Maybe I need to learn patience, or try to be in the word more, or change the way my mind thinks. Whatever it is, I am going to start working on it now. I just remind myself that God would not have placed Lillian in my care if he thought I couldn't handle it. So with God's help, I am going to master motherhood!